A Bloodied Stupor

Affix me the cross for I have sinned.
These altruist edicts have got me pinned!
I cannot perceive who is real and who's lying;
Betwixt these closed doors, is there someone in hiding?
The verdict upheld; but is someone still sliding?
Deftly thin from within; and without confiding!?
I cannot abstain from this clout it's deriding!
This pain; this fear; this subsistent subsiding..
They cheer, they jeer, it's just all too inviting,
In which gear will they steer? It's just all too beguiling.
What's remote to denote: what is there in tiding?
A slit in her throat or her clit that's imbibing:
This game, this life, this grit thats dividing,
A man torn in half by his wit that's not siding;
With one, the other, the lye is not lighting;
This fire, this burn, this ember, this striving.
To be what is me, now who's free was she fighting?
The glee or the spree of a wrong that's not righting?
I'm daft, I'm derailed, I'm perturbed by this fighting.
Inside I just hide in this mock coinciding.